


Moody's Big Problem

by adavison



Series: Cursed Crack!Fics [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Erumpent Horn Butt Plug, Facebook: The Pen15 is Mightier, Mad-Eye Needs A Good Fuck, Other, Sorry Not Sorry, Stolen Evidence, crack!fic, masturbation at work, oh god what have I done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23254285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adavison/pseuds/adavison
Summary: Mad-Eye Moody gets hot at thoughts of Xenophilius’ erumpent horn butt plug.
Relationships: Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody/Erumpent Horn Butt Plug, Past Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody/Xenophilius Lovegood
Series: Cursed Crack!Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672009
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Moody's Big Problem

**Author's Note:**

> Um... hi. So, this little cursed fic was written for Pen15's Cards Against Muggles drabble challenge. My prompt was: Mad-Eye Moody gets hot at thoughts of Xenophilius’ erumpent horn butt plug.
> 
> Big thanks to my alpha: [meditationsinemergencies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meditationsinemergencies/profile) and my betas: [Ms_SackvilleWest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_SackvilleWest/profile) and UncleA. You three are amazing!
> 
> So... enjoy? Sorry, not sorry!

He knew it was wrong. Mad-Eye had always been a stickler for protocol and this was definitely against protocol. Hell, it went against all the laws of nature. He had no idea what possessed him to remove the erumpent horn from the evidence locker and bring it into his office. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. He knew why; he just didn’t understand what had made him act on it. 

It was dangerous, he knew. One wrong move and he would be blown sky high-and not in the way he usually enjoyed. But oh, that was part of the fun. Decades working in the Auror Department had rendered him only able to get excited in life or death situations. It was inconvenient but made for quite a few interesting nights. 

He took a moment to size up the object of his arousal. The plug was absolutely massive—-larger than his fist. The erumpent horn had been carved down into a beautifully large plug. The tip had been rounded-out, no longer at such a fine point, the light brown horn polished to a shine. But the ridges… ugh, the ridges were just as large and pronounced as they would be on the living creature. 

He longed to have it inside of him. To ride it gently—-ever so gently so as not to cause the wrong type of explosion. His good leg went weak beneath him when he thought of how it would end; the torturous build to his spectacular release. But it wasn’t just the shape of it, the danger of it, that called to him. It was that this spectacular sexual aid had been owned by his ex: Xenophilius Lovegood. 

Moody knew that Xeno had been holding out on him. When the Auror department got word that Lovegood had a number of unlicensed Class B Tradeable Materials he took full advantage of the opportunity to search the man’s bedroom. He had not been disappointed. 

Xeno had claimed the toy was made of the horn of a Crumple Horned Snorkack but they all knew the man was a bit mental—-believing in dozens of made-up creatures. The sad thing was, the man most likely believed what he said was the truth. 

He knew what he was about to do was wrong, but it had been such a long time since his last release. And even if he was committing a serious infraction, Moody reasoned that being Head Auror awarded him certain privileges

Moody’s mouth was watering. Unable to wait any longer, not even to floo home, he warded his office door before placing a sticking charm on the plug to hold it firmly on the seat of his rolly chair. Then he stripped down completely, running his hands slowly down his scarred and battered chest, tweaking the still sensitive place a nipple had been before casting a powerful preparation and lubrication charms on himself. A smile spread across his face as he slowly began to impale himself on the dangerous toy. He would enjoy the pleasure of being completely filled by Xenophilius Lovegood’s erumpent horn butt plug or he would die trying.


End file.
